Will Yoga Save My Life? Day 11 of 30

Day 11.

I feel like this is the part in the apocalypse story where the main character is totally worn out and losing their mind.

Thankfully, I am not that person. And America is still in one piece for the moment.

 

I am on high energy today. I got up early and even though I desperately wanted to go back to bed, I didn’t. I mean last night it took forever to get to sleep, but as soon as my alarm went off, I got up, turned it off, and went to get ready for the day.

11 days ago, I would have gone back to bed for an hour. Nope. Instead I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and made coffee.

What’s fascinating is that by documenting all of this, I am seeing these changes in myself. Even the stuff I don’t type down because maybe I forgot, or whatever. I am seeing mild changes.

Every time that I have gone on a diet or started working out, I was so focused on my weight. I am not weighing myself, nor am I measuring myself. At the end of the 30 days, I will see about getting a battery for my scale and seeing just how much I’ve lost.

I have estimated that I am around 224-240lbs. This is the range I was in last I weighed in at 234lbs. So, that is what I plan to gage myself with.

But, right now, I’m more worried about passing my college classes and continuing the upward climb to success.

Before I jump into the bits and bobs of my day, like I normally do, I want to discuss a bit about what I’m doing, I already gave you the why. I’ve already given you the generic steps of things I’m doing, I want to break it down a little though.

Before I started I was in a slump. I was depressed, really anxious, and allowing my disabilities to win. Day 1 covered that pretty well.

I’m 27-years-old. My family is full of wonderful people who haven’t really accomplished much of anything. They allowed life to get in the way. Kids, family, whatever. When I say allowed, I am saying accepted that fate. Do I think they are unhappy? No. Not really. But, that isn’t for me.

I am more than my history. I am not the person I once was, and I never will be that person again.

When I was stuck, and didn’t know what to do with my life I went to school to become a medical assistant, and I graduated with a 4.0GPA, job right out of the gate. I loved it, but I wasn’t happy. And eventually I changed to a new location, new bosses, and like I mentioned on day 1, I was fired. Why did this happen to me? I wanted to scream – I was so angry. To tell you the truth I hated that job, so, why was I so mad? I had bills to pay. I had a certain life expected of me.

I was told to just get a job that pays the bills. Don’t go for passion, passion don’t make money!

Get a JOB! A real one!

So, I did. And I was miserable.

Not even a month later I found myself in the hospital, unable to move, barely able to walk. My spinal issues had taken over.

And I resigned myself to a life of nothing.

Nothing.

Just…nothing.

Why should I try? Why? My life was over.

The pain at times is still unbearable. It really is. You see people in pain and you say, “Why did this happen to me? I wanted to scream – I was so angry. To tell you the truth I hated that job, so, why was I so mad? I had bills to pay. I had a certain life expected of me.

I was told to just get a job that pays the bills. Don’t go for passion, passion don’t make money!

Get a JOB! A real one!

So, I did. And I was miserable.

Not even a month later I found myself in the hospital, unable to move, barely able to walk. My spinal issues had taken over.

And I resigned myself to a life of nothing.

Nothing.

Just…nothing.

Why should I try? Why? My life was over.

The pain at times is still unbearable. It really is. You see people in pain and you say, “You can’t be in that much pain! That would kill someone.” Yeah, I’ve heard medical assistants in pain management centers say this behind the back of patients. They are wrong. You just get so used to the pain that it becomes a part of your very being. It becomes you. You become it.

 

I’ve decided that is not who I am. That was almost 2 years ago! I started writing then. And I wanted to make the most of my time, I also started freelancing again. Finally, things had started looking up. But then the good stopped happening – I was dealing with some stressful home stuff and I let it win.

My business flow started to go down, and it is slowly going back up.

And as I started school this year I noticed I needed to change, not just some stuff, but a ton of stuff.

I was emotionally crippling myself. I was letting my demons win.

I said enough of this garbage. I want my life back, and I want MORE.

I have so many dreams, things my partner and I will someday do, accomplishments I want to achieve. But I’m not going to get anything if I am just standing around or walking in place.

I’m changing. I am changing.

It’s more than the empowered listening and the yoga, but they most certainly help. It’s being more in tune to what I’m eating and when and how much. It’s making the right choices, saying, no I am going to get up and I am going to do this.

I am going to bed. I may not be tired but I have to be up early.

I am going to drink 2 bottles of water or more a day.

I am going to take a deep breath and count back from 5 to 1 and I’m going to lay out the mat, turn on the yoga instruction video and I am going to stretch myself into a pretzel! Okay, not quite, my bones refuse to get to limber just yet.

I am going to stick to my schedule.

I am going to write a to-do list and finish as much of it as I can every single day.

I am going to sit down and sort my finances and not make expenses that will put my family behind.

I am going to spend my time with people who want more out of their lives, who want more out of themselves.

I will not be influenced by people too lazy, or too succumbed in their own bullshit that they cannot do anything until the “motivation” strikes.

I know that there is no such thing as motivation. The only thing I need to do is say I am going to do it, and freaking do it.

 

So, now, that I’ve bled you dry with my rambling, I will get into day 11 stuff!

 

Eating & Exercise:

Today I did 5 minutes of HIIT cardio, 19 minutes of yoga, and a 30-minute walk. It was 84’F here in Dallas, Texas. I was covered, I literally mean covered, in sweat by the time I got home. I also got my fair share of sun too.

 

My Body Pain Levels:

All my pain is centered around allergies right now. Flowers… so pretty… so evil.

Back pain, I mean after my yoga sessions – just amazing. But honestly, I do still get my pain, it just seems to be coming in mini doses.

 

Emotional and Mental Health:

Today was a really, really good day. I am in such a good place.

I hope to keep it as such. I will keep it as such.

 

Reflection & Moving Forward:

I am putting these two together tonight because this is a short bit, I did so much babbling before, lol.

I spent my walk today thinking, about who I have been and who I will be.  And I believe I will be taking the pieces of myself throughout the years of my life to complete the puzzle that is me. So, as I keep working toward my success, I am going to be becoming who I need to be, who I truly am.

 

de0b987b8156448304394525c3b11342

Let’s Chat:

Twitter: @authorsteger

Instagram: @stegerwrites

YouTube Channel: Fantasy & Coffee

Tumblr: Fantasy-N-Coffee

Facebook.com/j.m.steger015

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s